listen as you read…… 
Its been almost 2 yrs since me and my children’s father have gone our separate ways;and honestly; I can say I have seen better days!…. I will NOT say that things have been ALL good;but it definitely hasn’t been ALL bad!…Truthfully I have gotten way past the though of “us” and the only time I really think about him is when im frustrated with the struggle of being a single mother. over the past 21 months ive GROWN and as a woman ive learned to be of NO excuses! I am 21 with 2 beautiful boys;working hard to keep my head above water yet not forget about the pursuit of my own dreams! life is about choices and learning to maneuver the pro’s and con’s of those choices…….everyday is a stepping stone but im taking those steps! I came across a picture of the family I use to know and I started to remember wat me and him had and wat brought us to where we are now;at this very moment lyfe jennings-”if tomorrrow never comes” seeped through my speakers….and I began to wonder what would I have to say if I knew that tomorrow may never come? …… so I reached out to my big sis Tiffany!
On march 16th;2010 the love of her life and father or her child was struck twice and died due to gang violence …. two days prior to this incident; I had a chat with tiff and like myself she was going through it…. Josh like many young men wasnt perfect;he had his share of having his cake and wanting to eat it to. tiff expressed her anger and to me a girl who had been through it and back when it came to feeling less than in a relationship, I understood and encouraged her that she was worth way more than any braud that crossed them. also knowing that when you love some one you become a hypocrite to it all ;u constantly weigh their goods with their bads and Tiffany was and still is INLOVE with Joshua! so when i heard this news everything went silent to me! all i wanted to do was reach out to her wishing i had the power to somehow turn back the hands of time! to somehow allow her to say or not say anything that was said or not said before 3pm that afternoon! unfortunately we all know that there is ONLY one god and i wasnt given those powers…. its been 5months of tears; of memories; of good and bad! 5months of looking at baby jazlene and seeing her father in her…. so i conducted this interview to bring my sister some closure, cuz even though I know she believes in a higher power I want her to know that there are ppl like me that feel her pain but see her STRENGTH…
HONEY: Do u remember the convo we had on fb chat march 13th?
SpanishFlyy : Sort of kinda
SpanishFlyy : My memory is fuzzy
HONEY: U was somewhat upset….. U had showed me a picture of a girl u had found that josh had some dealings with…. U was totally disgusted and after seeing the pic I was too….. :-p
SpanishFlyy : Oh yes; I remember
HONEY: Up to the date of the 15th before u received that phone call….. What was ur status with josh? How were you’alls communication? Was there any hostility because of what was goin on within the relationship?
SpanishFlyY: Me n josh was together…. I was stressed already because I was dealing with him being in the streets all the time and me always finding different chicks in his phone
SpanishFlyy: Our communication was scarce the last month he was alive its like he didn’t want to be with me he was all about getting money, bitches and more money. Me n my daughter wasn’t part of his equation
SpanishFlyy : There was a lot of hostility between us … I hated that I loved him
HONEY: Did u see josh before his passing?
SpanishFlyy :Yeah I did was in the house he took a shower and I looked thru his phone… I seen a girls text and questioned him about it… He cursed me out cuz he knew I caught him …. He put his hands on me and said he rather be single and left….. 1 hour later I got the call
HONEY: Tiff put ur self back in that house b4 he walked out that door and if u could rewrite one sentence of ur life if u could say what u didn’t get to say to him….. What would u have told him?
SpanishFlyy :I would of told him how would he feel if he died today and left on terms like this…. I would have let him kno how important he was to me n his daughter and how he was letting us go for the streets
SpanishFlyy: I would have also told him please don’t allow for these people 2 laugh @ me
HONEY: Explain “please don’t allow for these people 2 laugh @ me”
SpanishFlyy; What I mean by that is I didn’t want bitches to 2 feel like they could have him if they wanted and I had no idea what was going on…. I hated the fact that everyone knew I was being played like fool and didn’t tell me anything
SpanishFlyy They knew I was getting my ass beat
SpanishFlyy They knew he was fucking mad bitches on me
SpanishFlyy: They knew he would leave me for dead for his friends
HONEY: After all all the love;the pain; the hate; the strength ;the going by with blind eyes! Seeing all clear now! And knowing he’s gone; knowing that in that sence he can’t hurt u. What would u tell him today! If I was josh….. What would u say to ME!?
SpanishFlyy: I would ask him if he is happy now??? Is he happy that I’m gonna b forced 2 move on?? Is he happy that he will never b around me or his daughter and he won’t be able to tell us he loves us… I would tell him that I truely did love him and wanted nothing but the best for him and I hope that he is always around us to guide and protect me n jazz
HONEY: As jazz grows she will question her father: why he wasn’t there;how he died and about him wile he was alive! What will u tell her?
SpanishFlyy: Imma tell her that he loved her more than life imma tell her how before she was born we talked about her before she was even thought of and how he was so happy when I told him I was prego…. I’m gonna tell her that her father was well respected but did bad things that caught up with him… As she gets older I will go into more detail with her…. But I will tell her all in all she was a baby who was made out of real love
HONEY: and for you! Maybe not anytime soon; but will u learn from this love? When someone (cuz they will) comes along that can genuinely love u and what u come with! And one u learn to love back without holdging back! Is there anything u would do or say diffrently knowing that “tomorrow may never come”?
SpanishFlyy: I learned so much, I learned how much I’m worth, I learned to love me before anything and to never let a man control ME… I learned that no matter how good of a chick u are a guy will be a guy … Most importantly I learned that a person will only change if they want to change… In my next relationship I will not settle for less…. I wouldn’t do anything different
HONEY: I admire ur strength. And along with giving u the closure…. U may very well b. The story to help females jus like u or scrath that! Nothing like u that need this insight!!!
HONEY: B4 I publish the blog is there anything u want me to note or add?
Spanishflyy: That after all the heartache and pain I went thru with his loss I believe that everything happens for a reason and things r taken out of yah life to make room for better and I truly believe that
HONEY: 
. I do belive the same!!!!!
So if tomorrow never comes I wanna say TODAY; thank you! thank you for showing me what I DONT deserve; thank you for being part of the creation of our beautiful boys! never did I expect or wish that we would end so abruptly. my love was genuine and you took advantage of it! but for every action is a reaction and all the tears I cried have enhanced my growth! the abuse;the neglect;the pain…. I FORGIVE you for it all! now I can move on head strong and aware of what I am made of and I can open my heart only for a man who can appreciate what u didn’t! and for our boys! time is ticking…..soon they will ask for you ;and if tomorrow never comes ……
WHAT IS THERE TO TELL???
Soo…. For well over two weeks ive been vibin too SAMMIE’s “
….. ANYWAYS… where the hell is this dudes credit??? from begining to end,every song has potential to be a hit! all i have to say is KUDOS and he’s deff hittin high on 
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