Its 12am and you are laying in your bed fighting your sleep like always! “but mommy I can’t go to sleep again” and as bad as I want to go in there and cut the tv off; not tonight. Its your birthday big boy…..look how far we have come! Yes WE! three short years, seems like time just flew past me and I know you don’t remember being in mommy’s belly or even being as small as “whoa whoa”. But I do. I remember finding out that me and daddy were going to bring you into this world; and how scared I was to tell nana about you;but don’t worry baby, nana somehow already knew! and just like every time she lays eyes on you now; she was just as over joyed then. I must say cash… I don’t know if mommy was ready for you. I was 18 and didn’t really know what LOVE really was. I wanted you and mentally every morning for 9 months I prayed that god would take care of us and guide me; TEACH ME! show me how to be a wonderful mom. Carrying you was easy! and sometimes I wondered why! was this the quiet before the storm? i jus giggled to myself amongst these tears because I remember when my water broke and uncle jonjon told me I should get a pamper…lol… how silly is that. I laughed for hours! nana thought I was crazy. she couldn’t understand why I couldn’t stop laughing and I was in labor. “ke’ you doing all this laughing now;you’re gonna be crying your ass off later” was her exact words!Nana was RIGHT!… I stayed strong all the way to the hospital….EVERYONE came to see you cash,we waited 10 hours for you… daddy was right there holding mommies hand the whole time. He was probably a bigger baby then you! YOU were strong! Every contraction I prayed. prayed that god had prepared me enough for you; that I would know what to do, know how to feel, know how to provide, know how to love! At 10:32pm I took my last deep breath along with my last GREAT push; and you was here! At that very moment I got the chance to look in your eyes I realized……I hadnt been prepared at all! There was NO way I could b prepared for something so DIVINE and so wonderful. Something so innocent yet so strong! You had been with me through the biggest change of my life! Through the pain. through the cry’s at night that no one else heard. Through the giggles no one else understood! YOU LEAD ME THROUGH IT! It sounds somewhat impossible, but I know its possible! You loved me through the growth of my immaturity and lead me to be a better me. There was no way at all I could know wat love is, if I never had the chance to love you! For a long time I felt like I would be missing out on something but boy how wrong was I. You are my PEACE OF MIND! that old me is left behind….
so as WE grow I want you to know that you are my inspiration to keep going! no matter what rocks we hit, we WILL continue to climb, no matter what is thrown our way we WILL continue to march! and no matter how heavy the load we WILL let go and let GOD! you’re a big boy now; so that same inspiration you gave me; the same strength; the same ear and the same open arms u gave me to get through; I need you to give to your brother.WE are a TEAM! I am the captain but you are my PEACE OF MIND!
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